Are you questioning if the pain will ever subside, if the emptiness will ever disappear? Will life ever regain its meaning? It may seem unlikely now, but the answer to all these questions is a resounding yes. And you don’t have to look far to find countless individuals who can attest to this fact.
However, this doesn’t mean that you will return to your old self or be completely free from the anguish of your loss. Grief intensity and duration are influenced by various factors, including the type of death, additional losses, emotional investment in the deceased, coping strategies, health, social support, and expectations.
So, what can we say about the duration and intensity of grief work? Here are some insights that can help you arrive at your own answer:
1. The intense feelings will undoubtedly diminish over time. However, it is important to recognize that grief is a highly personal process, and therefore, it is impossible to set a specific time limit. The duration of pain and emptiness can vary from days to weeks, depending on individual circumstances.
2. You may experience periods that feel like the end of your grief journey or times when you believe you are coping well, only to be suddenly thrown back into the same emotional state you were in a few weeks ago. These setbacks can be disheartening but are completely normal. Certain events can trigger the absence of your loved one, reminding you of their loss.
The “year of firsts” is known to bring about these episodes. It is absolutely normal to feel anxiety, anger, or other intense emotions during such moments. Expecting these fluctuations and allowing yourself to feel the emotions is an essential part of the healing process.
3. Even years later, after you have adjusted to the physical absence of your loved one, certain significant events, such as weddings, births, graduations, or anniversaries, may trigger feelings of sadness or the need to express your emotions through crying. There is nothing wrong with experiencing these emotions. They are a natural response to memories and reminders of your loved one.
4. As mentioned earlier, grief work is ultimately a process of adaptation or healing. This process can continue for years, with stops and starts that bring new insights and perspectives on life. Some individuals even believe that healing never truly ends. It becomes an ongoing or perpetual journey. If this is the case, it is important not to perceive it as a source of anxiety but rather as an opportunity to embrace and appreciate life.
So, does the work of grief ever truly come to an end? The answer depends on your personal beliefs and interpretations. For some, grief work may appear to conclude at a certain point in time. For others, it may be an ongoing experience that resurfaces from time to time. Regardless of your belief, it is important to acknowledge that each individual possesses an inherent ability to navigate through loss. With support from loved ones, you can overcome the initial confusion and adapt to the changes life presents.
Where your grief journey takes you ultimately depends on the choices you make and the support you seek.
Written by Lou LaGrand