In society, there is a cultural belief that death and illnesses are to be avoided and feared. This denial of the reality of death often leads to individuals regarding illnesses and death as something happening to them rather than a natural process that can be embraced without anguish. Our perspectives on death and illness are heavily influenced by fear rather than being viewed progressively as experiences that can offer growth, new learning, and positive insight into our existence and ourselves.
When patients become aware of their terminal illness, they tend to go through different stages in response to their diagnosis, according to Kubler-Ross. These stages include denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. The stages occur consecutively and often assist patients with the stresses of facing their own mortality, with hope present in one form or another.
During the final stage of acceptance, hope is typically absent, and patients may not wish for any more visitors. They have completed their unfinished business, and a feeling of peace has overtaken them, signaling the readiness to let go. The mind is continually changing during the evaluation process, and stages can be revisited more than one time.
Stephen Levine has developed Kubler-Ross’ stages further to emphasize that in times of facing death, the principal changes are in the mind. Rather than the stages being absolute reality, Levine suggests these stages could instead be used to focus attention on the impermanence of all things. By accepting the reality of our situation, we can recognize the deeper truths of life. This allows us to experience ourselves and others as they are, rather than seeing them as they are becoming.
Levine adds a spiritual component to his approach to death, blending spirituality with the psychological stages of Kubler-Ross. According to Levine, the spiritual component contrasts with the psychological in that the spiritual element considers not only the contents but also the space within which the contents unfold. Instead of merely existing outside of ourselves, death becomes the great teacher that directs us toward our fear, helping us to relate to it instead of from it. Death teaches us to regard our lives as a whole, instead of some broken reality from which we long to escape.
When a person receives a diagnosis, beliefs surrounding their circumstances can change rapidly, sometimes leading to a massive re-evaluation of their entire belief system. As a chaplain at a community hospital, I have encountered individuals who have been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness or have been close to someone going through such a process. While everyone’s response to their circumstances is unique, therapeutic support can be highly beneficial to help people feel and move through their emotions as they emerge.
As a therapist, my role is to provide space for individuals to process their experience, without trying to fix or deny their thoughts and feelings. Whether it be through feelings of anguish, shock, grief, or acceptance, I stand with my clients through their journey and encourage them to make choices within their challenging circumstances. In all stages of life, the role of choice remains until the very end.
In conclusion, death and illness are natural parts of life that should not be feared or avoided. By accepting the inevitability of death and encouraging personal growth from our experiences, we can develop new insights into ourselves and our existence. While the stages outlined by Kubler-Ross are not absolute realities, they can be used as a means of focusing and driving attention to the impermanence of all things, encouraging us to grasp those deeper truths. Through support and guidance, we can work through our emotions and come to a place of acceptance, living our lives with purpose and intention until our final breath.
Written by Ashley Sybil Davis
