Understanding Infidelity: A Deep Dive into Its Psychological Roots
Infidelity is a common problem in romantic relationships. It is a breach of trust and a leading cause of breakups and divorces. Infidelity is characterized by physical or emotional relations outside the agreed-upon boundaries of the relationship. Interestingly, cheating is prevalent in both married and unmarried couples, and it affects both men and women. The reasons why people engage in infidelity are quite complex, and they are rooted in a variety of psychological factors. In this article, we take a deep dive into the psychological roots of infidelity.
What is Infidelity?
Infidelity is the act of being unfaithful to one’s partner. It is a pretty broad concept that encompasses a range of behaviors, including emotional infidelity, physical infidelity, and cyber infidelity.
Emotional Infidelity:
Emotional infidelity involves forming a connection with someone that goes beyond the platonic bond. It includes emotional intimacy and romantic attraction, alongside any sexual tension or feelings of desire.
Physical Infidelity:
Physical infidelity refers to any sexual act outside the confines of the committed relationships, and it can be a one-time event or an ongoing affair.
Cyber Infidelity:
Cyber infidelity involves having an online affair or engaging in sexual activity via video or sexting chats with someone other than the primary partner.
What Causes Infidelity?
Infidelity happens for various reasons. It could be a growing distance between you and your partner or extreme incompatibility issues. External factors like stress, lack of intimacy, and sexual dissatisfaction could also trigger cheating. But these are just symptoms, and they don’t explain why people cheat. Here are the psychological roots of infidelity:
1. Emotional Neglect:
Emotional neglect is one of the leading causes of infidelity in relationships. When one partner feels overlooked, unappreciated, devalued, or feels abandoned, the other partner gives way to unfaithfulness in search of affection.
2. Insecurity and Low Self-Esteem:
People with low self-esteem tend to seek validation from others. They might do this unconsciously or consciously, but their actions can lead to infidelity.
3. Boredom and A Sense of Adventure:
Some people cheat just for the thrill of it. They find themselves attracted to the excitement of danger and newness.
4. Narcissism:
Narcissistic individuals are often more prone to cheating, given that they tend to prioritize their wants and needs over others.
5. Sexual Compatibility:
When a couple is sexually incompatible, one of the partners may want to seek pleasure elsewhere. They may look for someone who can fulfill their sexual needs.
6. Revenge:
Revenge is also another psychological root of infidelity. It is especially significant when one of the partners has cheated before, and their partner decides to get even by doing the same.
7. A Need for Control:
Some people cheat because they want to have a sense of control over their life. They feel like they are not in control of their relationship, and cheating is a way to take charge.
Infidelity and Attachment Theory
Attachment theory is a well-known psychological theory that explains some of the reasons why people engage in infidelity. The basic premise of attachment theory is that people have an inherent need to form close attachments with others. The theory suggests that these bonds between people in romantic relationships are formed and maintained based on three attachment styles – secure, avoidant, and anxious.
Secure Attachment:
People with a secure attachment style tend to have healthy relationships, with low risk for engaging in infidelity. They are comfortable with independence, and they tend to trust their partners’ fidelity.
Anxious Attachment:
People with anxious attachment styles tend to be more prone to infidelity. They may fear abandonment and, as a result, seek out sexual or emotional relationships outside the confines of the committed relationship.
Avoidant Attachment:
People with avoidant attachment styles tend to be emotionally distant from their partners. They may detach themselves from the relationship, leading to infidelity or the desire for a new relationship.
Moreover, the attachment styles of both partners may also impact the relationship’s stability and the likelihood of infidelity. If one partner has a secure attachment style and the other has an anxious or avoidant attachment style, there is an increased risk of infidelity.
Infidelity and Personality Traits
Personality traits also play a role in infidelity. Certain personality traits, such as narcissism, impulsivity, and low agreeableness, are linked to higher rates of infidelity.
Narcissism:
Narcissistic individuals tend to believe that they are entitled to pursue their wants and goals, regardless of the consequences. That sense of entitlement and self-importance can lead to a disregard for the partner’s feelings and commitments, resulting in cheating.
Impulsivity:
People with high levels of impulsivity tend to act without thinking about the consequences. They may engage in impulsive behaviors like cheating without considering the potential impact on their partner’s feelings or the relationship itself.
Low Agreeableness:
People with low levels of agreeableness tend to be less compassionate and considerate of their partner’s feelings. They may be more prone to cheating and less likely to consider the consequences of their actions.
Infidelity and Cognitive Distortions
Cognitive distortions refer to thinking patterns that are not in line with reality. Infidelity is often fueled by cognitive distortions, such as thinking that cheating is justified or thinking that one will not get caught.
Cheating is Justified:
People who believe that cheating is justified may feel that they deserve more from the relationship or that it is their partner’s fault for not meeting their needs.
Not Getting Caught:
People who think that they will not get caught may underestimate their ability to deceive their partner. They may overestimate their ability to hide their infidelity, thinking that they can always avoid getting caught.
Conclusion
Infidelity is a complex issue that has deep roots in psychology. The reasons why people cheat are varied and often intertwined. Emotional neglect, insecurity, boredom, narcissism, sexual compatibility, revenge, and the need for control, all contribute to infidelity. Attachment theory, personality traits, and cognitive distortions are also other psychological factors that can influence cheating. However, it is vital to recognize that relationship problems or psychological factors do not necessarily justify cheating. Infidelity is a choice that can hurt other people and damage trust. As such, it is essential to address the underlying issues in the relationship and have open communication with the partner to avoid infidelity.
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Bryan Walker, Psychologist at Cure of Mind
